I couldn’t bring myself to do it yesterday, but I wanted to share why the loss of Carrie Fisher, a woman I never met in person affected me so profoundly. I was so depressed I could barely function yesterday, and burst into tears through the day.
I grew up in the 80s when there weren’t many female rolemodels for me to emulate. When I was young my father showed me Star Wars for the first time, and I was instantly a fan! I watched A New Hope with him and saw this woman step out of a prison cell after watching her whole world torn down, and she took charge anyway. After that, my fantasy games usually involved me being Princess Leia. I played her in several Star Wars RPGs through high school, and entered the online roleplaying world as a direct outgrowth of that, where I played Jianna. She wasn’t a princess, but she was a tough as nails fighter who didn’t take shit from no one…just like Leia.
She wasn’t my only strong female role model though. I also began watching the old Wonder Woman Series– the one with Lynda Carter. But that’s not who this post is about. Wonder Woman and Princess Leia taught me how a woman should be, should act, and should react to things. You now truly know ME.
As I grew older and began struggling with my own body image issues, so did Carrie Fisher, who was strangled by her role as Leia. She grew older, had a child, gained weight– just like me. But she refused to accept the criticisms of others. Instead, she doubled down and demanded to know what right they had to say how her body should look. Even then, as she faced many of the same struggles as I did, she was strong and graceful. She was beautiful to me.
Last year when I went and saw the Force Awakens, I screamed and cried to see my idol return to the screen in the role I loved her in so dearly. At the end of Rogue One, I cried to see the young, beautiful Princess Leia standing there to receive the plans. I thought it must be Billie, Carrie’s Daughter, playing the role because it looked so like her. But, to find later it was Carrie herself, just CGIed, still made me smile.
I’m happy that filming has wrapped up on Episode 8, and Leia will be in it. For me the heartbreak of this next year will be all the more poignant knowing that I will see her on the screen again once more. Princess Leia and Carrie Fisher meant a great deal to me.
I pray for her family and friends who knew her personally. I now regret all the times that the time just wasn’t right for me to go to a con and meet her personally. I should have gone. I wish I had. But I can’t change the past. But, I’m also praying for all the girls like me, who just lost one of their rolemodels far too soon. Someone who had so much more to give to the world. It’s a tragedy. It’s horrible.
She drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra…